We all know Sharpies, the snack for your meeting room eating. Almost everybody has tried one of these tubed snacks though they’re probably not best to eat with your hands, turns out mom was right the whole time. A recent study from Hamburg (2022) shows that while members of the working class downs several a day, only 19% of consumers even realize that they have flavors.

“I thought all flavors were the same, like Froot Loops,” commented economist Stevie Urkel.

So the new question on everybody’s mind is, Which flavor is objectively the best? While culinary professionals have already stated their opinions, their lavish recommendations are just too expensive and nonsensical for the average person to ever care about. That's why we at the radish are here to use our collective 1.6 hours of kitchen experience to recommend you the top 10 best flavors of sharpies

10: Cabochon Coral

Not everybody likes desaturated sharpies. To many they taste bland, but with Cabochon coral what is lost in taste is more than made up for with texture. Taking hints from the various other reds, this flavor is quite sweet and a little liquidy but what takes the prize is its tropical tanginess that spills through the pores. While the slightly bitter taste itself leaves a bit to be desired as well as a red tropical flavor honestly making little sense, I typically find myself nibbling a little on this before meetings, letting the peachy spice of the aftertaste lie in my tongue.

9: Banana Clip Yellow

Banana is generally one of the consistently great flavors in all food products and this one is no exception. A hint of milk has been added to enhance the creamy yet muted taste. The only issues are the unusually dark tone of the sharpie and how it barely tasted like an actual banana, the former of which has actually worked wonderfully for popularizing it with an older audience.

8: Berry

One of the more popular flavors that you can find in any typical pack of sharpies is unsurprisingly on this list. Berry is exactly as advertised, it tastes like berries and does a good job of incorporating the taste of Blueberry but with some traces of more exciting flavors. Not much to say about this that hasn’t already been said. Though some will say that this one in particular is a little overrated, it still is really good.

7: Almond

This is by far the most controversial pick on this list but before I continue, I just want to make it clear; recent events have made me knock this down several spots on this list but this flavor is still inherently good even though TikTok trends have ruined it for many. It may taste bland but it accomplishes what it sets out to do. Be a good appetizer for those over the age of 60. It’s organic taste and the unique ‘pop’ it makes when it touches your lips makes this one of the best to lick for the flavor.

6: Racey Red This is the true red, the sweet sugar rush that everybody expected from their typical red. This technically has a caffeine equivalent solution thatwhich makes it illegal in select nations which is why it’s only at 6th. This may change soon as the sharpie company is expecting to start lobbying said countries' political systems by the end of next year in an effort to “Bring Racey Red to the world”.

5: Tangerine Did Cabochon Coral catch your attention but you’d like something available in your local retail store. Tangerine is a wonderful alternative, with its signature leafy scent making itthis a must-havemust have delectable. Not much to be said about one of the all time favorites, especially when it’s the favorite of all of our interns here at The Radish.

4: Aquamarine Almost nobody likes blue flavorsa blue flavor. They all taste the same and don't warrant the absurd quantity of them, so it’s no surprise that the best blue toned sharpie is the least blue or saturated of the lot. This barely even qualifies as a blue, yet it’s everybody’s favorite simply because it tastes refreshing and a little minty while also not being as overwhelming as too sensory overwhelming like the other blue flavors. Sharpie has done the world a tremendous favor when it comes to this one.

3: Leg Warmer Orange: Sharpie, of all food brands, decided to make an energy/protein snack and this is seriously amazing. The peanutty taste compliments the light crackling of typical Sharpie products. It also improves workplace productivity (something the advertising team at sharpie doesn’t doesnt want you to forget). I’ve never gone more than a week without seeing this out in public and for good reason. It might not be the best but it’s deservingly one of the most popular.

2: Mint It’s just another minty flavor, I'm personally biased towards these but I digress, this is a must have and it’s my personal favorite. Can you believe how well the softness of this flavor works with a typical sharpie quality?. I am genuinely disappointed this has no chisel tip edition of it anywhere yet subpar flavors (like black and lime) have theirs. I’d pay extra to down these icy tubes in larger quantities though the stickiness of this one just barely keeps it out of my personal favorite.

Before we get into the #1, we have some honorable mentions that we felt like deserved a shout out.

Metallic Trio (bronze, silver & gold): Their glossy taste is quite pristine and is the favorite of many chefs. However they’re too expensive for anybody to rationally buy.

Optic Orange: It improves your eyesight which earns points for accurate marketing. Unfortunately, it’s slightly radioactive which has gotten it forgotten about.

1: Celestial Gray

This sharpie actually makes you smarter. Research shows that babies who took this sharpie had their reflexes improve up to 3% over the span of 7 years. If anything this is the one sharpie that everyone can enjoy, whether or not you know better than to stick it in your ear. Truly the snack for everybody.