It’s been a long, difficult year. COVID-19 has left us torn apart, failing our classes, and generally mentally unwell. But fear not, we have a solution! Here’s a complete list of summer activities recommended by us here at The Radish.

1. Take More Tests Stress is great for students. Strangely, students have felt worse, despite the best efforts of politicians, teachers, and parents to apply more stress. But with more tests, you’ll be pulling your hair out with anxiety (and that’s a good thing).

2. Fight Your Friends Students have spent a long time away from their friends. What better way to get close with them again than to physically and emotionally assert yourself as the alpha? Forget honesty and emotional compatibility. All you need to be close with your friends is a good old-fashioned brawl.

3. Spend Every Day Inside and Hope for a Day When You Can See the People You Hold Dear

   Who doesn’t love a 2020 blast from the past?

4. Forget the Past School Year This one is easy and pretty much guaranteed. There’s nothing quite like waking up in early July and remembering that putting mental energy into geometry is just a memory. What’s more relaxing than forgetting what a postulate is?

5. Browse The Radish January 2021 Issue I mean… it’s worth a shot?

6. Spend Money! Money exists to be spent. So, why not waste it on products you don’t need? Just keep consuming and chasing your goals of wealth accumulation. Happiness will have to come someday, right?

7. Take a Long, Good Look in the Mirror Who are you? What have you become? What are you doing with your life? What happened to those dreams you had?

   A good follow-up to this activity is laying in bed and staring at the ceiling until you fall asleep at an unreasonable hour.

8. Make Yourself Some Clam Chowder What’s more comforting than clam chowder? A lot of things. But all you deserve is clam chowder. Now eat. Try these this summer and have a blast, because nothing’s better for your sense of freedom than following a list made by people you don’t know.