Look, I’ll be honest: moon landing conspiracy theories are overdone. We’ve heard it all before— Aliens, Communists, the Illuminati— they’re boring, mainstream, and fail to rile up the American populace like they used to. But what if I told you new evidence had been found that proved that the moon landing was fake? I swear it’s real this time.

A top-secret, fully anonymous, extra secretive, incredibly stealthy etc. Radish operative named Janky P. Scrapps infiltrated NASA and found a folder pertaining to the 1969 moon landing. Oddly enough, they were on top of the microwave in the break room. Inside that folder was a file (pictured below) containing information that blew the minds of everyone here at the Radish. According to this, as well as other files in the folder, Louis Armstrong and Buzz Lightyear were sent up to the moon in 1968 to collect footage. In July 1969, a realistic moon lander prop was put on live TV in front of the world with Louis’ brother Neil and Lightyear’s dog walker Buzz Aldrin. The moon rocks you see in the moon landing footage are actually earth rocks, also known as rocks. These rocks were dusted in moon dust collected by Louis and Lightyear to provide realism to the set. The footage that you see of Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin was actually green-screened in using a video taken on the moon from the year before.

I know you don't believe me. I know you’re thinking, “This is insane” or “Why would a government institution lie to me?” or “What’s NASA?” and believe me, we here at the Radish were all thinking the same things. But ask yourself: Is it really realistic that two men were recorded on the moon without a green screen? I believe you know the real answer.