Hail: The most risque precipitation. Bouncier, shinier, and, dare I say, crunchier, hail is clearly superior to all other sky droppings. 

Perhaps the sound of rain could be described as “crisp” or otherwise “clean.” But the sloshiness is simply undeniable.

Besides general sloshiness, rain has no texture. There are bad, slimy batches sometimes, but those are concerning. 

To solve the sloshy problem of rain, some people suggest snow. Yet snow is nearly completely silent! Some precipitation sound is very desirable; otherwise, we might forget anything is falling from the sky. We shout to remember that it’s snowing. We supportively scream when it hails. 

Maybe anti-hailers say they’re screaming because they think they “got a concussion.” But, honestly, so what? They’ll forget about it. 

Indeed, hail is the best medium of snow and rain. Hail is compact, slow rain; a faster snow. 

The rhythm of hail rings like disjunct snare wires and has the soothing, never-slimy taste of “Flight of the Bumblebee” by Nikolai Rimsky-Korsakov. The beautiful sound leaves you wondering, “Was that hail crunching or my cat?” I wouldn’t have it any other way.

So, let’s give some love to rain’s denser cousin. No other precipitation’s noise has quite the same effect. Nothing compares to hail, the only undoubtedly crispy, never chewy, rarely slimy precipitation. It may be proof the sky hates us, but at least it's proof the weather cares about our misery. Hail hail!