As per the usual annual cult tradition, Brooklyn Tech’s prom is back in business! Now, there were some concerns about COVID-19, but the staff has considered every possible issue, so there is no need to worry. Details below!

• The Polish circle dance has been replaced by the Italian circle dance. The Polish circle dance already accommodates six-foot social distancing rules, unlike the Italian circle dance, which forces students to create a human Colosseum.

  All students will be required to participate in the classes beginning next week to prepare for the dance. Please come to the auditorium on Monday, two weeks from now, for your new schedules.

  Go Brooklyn Tech!

• Only thirteen tickets will be sold. To avoid a crowded gymnasium, only thirteen students may attend the prom. To make up for the costs for this year’s prom, we’ll also be increasing the ticket price to $500, which will allow us to break even.

  We understand that this price may be too much, so we will also be giving tickets away if you get into an Ivy League college with an SAT score of 1601.

  Come, be a part of The Chosen Thirteen!

• A new catalog of songs will be played. Reputable studies from a reputable source made by reputable scientists have shown that music with too much bass over 60 decibels can help spread COVID-19, so we will be playing Mozart’s Greatest Hits of the ‘80s!

  Be ready to handle the throwback as Brooklyn Tech shows you how the 1780s did it, with hits such as “Requiem 9 Concerto in G-Minor, allegro,” “Shawty An American Revolutionary,” and “An Act of Aggression in Music to Vivaldi (Ft. Ludwig Van Beethoven).”

• No food will be served. No food will be served to students. This isn’t a COVID-19 precaution; we just don’t have food money; most of the budget was allocated towards the Italian circle dance teachers.

Thank you for joining us at the 2021 prom. We’d love to see you arrive. Be sure to abide by the dress code and make sure every square centimeter of skin is covered up!